Love this blog!

Why Are You So Angry?

Are you just looking for something to be mad about….

a way to prove the world is against you…

that people really are just out to get you?

Have you ever stopped and thought about why are you so angry?

How many times do you retell a story over and over of how you were dismissed, marginalized, not appreciated? Every time you tell it,  do you feel the red-hot heat of anger rising up inside of you?

I bet I can give you a clue.

If you get really, really honest with yourself, you see it is not anger you are dealing with,

it is hurt.

You feel hurt and vulnerable about something, so you become angry to self protect.

Why are you so angry? Love this blog!

There are normal stages of grief. First is bargaining,then denial, and then anger.

That’s the place a lot of us become stuck.

It is emotionally  easier to be pissed off than deal with the pain of not being able to save the one you love or not being good enough for the one you love to return that love. Maybe it was your boyfriend, your best friend. Could it have been your mother, or even your child?

What does one do when the person who suppose to show you love, honor, and respect:

doesn’t?

Most go through denial, then on to anger, and then continue to move through all the stages of grief to reach acceptance. The ones who stop at anger…..they are all the angry people of the world.

No one gets through this life without someone hurting them…a love one dying… trust being broken….hurtful words being said…lies being told….grief is part of living.

Are you the one that goes around with a chip on your shoulder just looking for something to be angry at, just waiting on the world to screw you over so you can feel justified in your rage?

You are who I am talking to.

Grieve, be sad….and then let that sh*t go. Maybe your mother didn’t love you like she should have. Maybe your spouse broke your trust. Maybe your child made choices that devastated you. Deal with the sadness of that and move on to the joy of living in the moment.

Not in the past.

I have got to start doing this!

Don’t give your current happiness away because of the past.

Just look at now, today, this moment. Then the next time you feel that anger rising, next time you feel like life has screwed you again…

Stop. Realize why you are so angry.

Think about it. Angry is just sad’s bodyguard. What are you sad about? Deal with that and then move on. Move on to the happiness that is waiting for you on the other side of all this anger.

 

Why are you so angry? I gotta let this shit go and move on.

Thank you for taking time to read my words. It humbles me. Sending you prayers for peace and love.

Sincerely,

T

“What If Christmas Doesn’t Come From a Store. What If Christmas, Perhaps, Means a little Bit More.”

Love this blog!!! I needed to read this.The Grinch

We are tight, the Grinch and me. We have a lot in common.

I too, used to dread Christmas.

I dreaded the decorating. The business. The gifts. The wrapping. Running here . Running there. Plays, church, parties. On and on and on….

Kinda left me a little raw and resentful at Christmas time.

In the Bible, the angels declare Jesus’s birth saying:  “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace good will toward men.”

But, like The Grinch, I wasn’t feeling any peace, or good will, toward anybody. I was actually wishing bodily harm on about half of everybody I knew. Then I realized, all my problems with Christmas, were in MY own head. I was the one that created them by the story I was telling myself. I was the one making a big deal out of the gifts and commercialism. I am the one who thought the thoughts, but that didn’t mean I had to believe them.

I decided to start focusing on the things I love about Christmas and letting go of the things I didn’t.

And you know what?

No one even noticed. Not one person said “Hey, you didn’t buy me enough,” or “Wait a minute, you didn’t come to the company’s Christmas party” or anything else.

They were too busy either hating or loving their own Christmas.

This year how about making Christmas exactly like you want it to be. Spend time with your family, or don’t. Say “Merry Christmas” or Happy Holidays” or whatever else feels right to you. Go to the Bahamas, or your grandmothers, or lay on the couch and watch westerns with your friend, puppy, boyfriend, whoever, or no one at all.  Put up a tree, or 10, or none. Go to church or stay home and drink beer while watching the football game. Do what you want with your time and celebrate Christmas in a way that leaves you feeling merry and bright. Not like you need medication or professional therapy when it is all said and done.

Gratefullty does it again. Shows us how gratitude is the answer to every problem.

Because really, in the grand scheme of things, does it matter?

Do what you need to do to get to January 1st feeling hopeful for the year to come, grateful for the blessings in your life, and excited for next Christmas!!!

I am grateful for you taking time out of your busy lives to read my words. It humbles me.

Sending you love and prayers for peace.

T

Choose what your version of minimalist will look like and quit being a slave to your stuff!

Minimalist in a Tiny House

First, allow me to clarify.

I am not a minimalist.

I have  more than the 100 items that most die-hard minimalist do.

However,  I am working toward my vision of a minimalist lifestyle in a tiny house (or church as the case is for me, click this link to read more about that).

 I view minimalism as having what you need, no more no less, in surroundings that inspire and calm you. It is being free of the joy sucking chore of taking care of all that stuff. 

MInimalist living

The average American home has tripled in size in the last 50 years. Yet our family size has steadily shrunk.

25% of Americans with 2 car garages do not have room to park their cars in inside them and 32% can only park one car.

1 in 10 Americans rent off site storage. The fastest growing segment of the real estate industry over the last 4 decades is storage buildings for our stuff!

The average American 10-year-old owns 248 toys. 248!

Shopping malls outnumber high schools and 93% of teenage girls rate shopping as their favorite pastime.

Americans spend 1.3 trillion dollars a year on nonessential items, in other words, things they don’t need. Trying to buy a little piece of happiness.

Shopping for that missing part of their soul.

These statistics paint an alarming picture of excessive consumption and unnecessary accumulation. I have participated in it myself…. it felt like the life was being sucked out of me. The more stuff I had, the fatter I got and the more out of control I felt.

Cause you know what my friend?

Happiness can’t be found in a closet full of shoes or a piece of cheesecake. It can only be found within you.

It is time to get back to the basics……….

to spending more time and less money on our family……..

to stop being a slave to all of our possessions

…….and our DVR.

It is time to stop spending our precious hours on cleaning, organizing, shopping, working more hours, so we can buy more crap to clean, organize, and stuff into our already too full closets, basements, garages, storage buildings, and attics.

The more stuff you own the more it owns you.

Choose what your version of minimalist will look like and quit being a slave to your stuff!

Each one of us will have different interpretations of what being a minimalist is. All that really matters is your version is true you. Right now, I am a self-proclaimed minimalist living in a 3,000 square foot home. We are downsizing to a 1,300 square foot “tiny house” that is true to me and my life.

****update**** We have lived in our little church home for six months. It is as wonderful as I had imagined it would be. 

Be brave my friends. Live your best life.

You only get this one life, live it!

Thank you for taking the time to read my words. It humbles me. 

Shares and likes appreciated, never expected. 

Sending you love

T

Love this blog! Funny and sincere.

Don’t Be A Crappy Person

As the mother of 3 boys, and having had my hand in raising a few other pretty awesome people, one might think I had the “not raising a crappy person” thing figured out.  I mean, I have 2 adult children and nieces who are text-book examples of not crappy people. So the 3rd boy should easy peazzy….right?

One would think.

But kids are all different. I’m sure you have heard the saying you can’t put your foot in the same river twice? Yeah well, that applies to kids also.

Back to boy 3.

He’s a smart kid. He has been known to convince me to do some crazy things using his well articulated, heart-felt, ability to communicate. So you understand when I say to this brilliant boy of mine:  “Tell me 3 things you are grateful for today”  and he replies “I don’t know.” It left me a little confused.

Hummmm, let me think about this….we have done this about 1000 times in your life, I am pretty sure you do know.

But I play along. I list several things he could be grateful for and say again: “Tell me 3 things you are grateful for.”

Again…..”I don’t know.”

He will not answer. What he does communicate very effectively is this: he is not being forced to take part in this gratitude practice. He is not mad or upset or emotional. He just point-blank will not engage in the conversation.

D@mn this kid!

After some serious soul-searching: I had an epiphany. I was doing exactly what I hate to see other parents do.

I was trying to make him me.

I cringe when I see parents engaging in this. Be it sports, academics, looks, talents: whatever it is: I watch these poor kids squirm under their parent’s expectations. Always striving to meet the expectations set for them. Or, as boy 3 did, they completely refuse to participate.

I was sitting on my spiritual high horse, doing exactly what I judge other parents for doing.

D@mn,the kid ain’t the problem, it’s me!

I was making this parenting gig harder than it is.  He doesn’t have to grow up to be Gandhi or Eckhart Tolle.  My deepest desire for the children I love is for them to acquire one thing: happiness.

And accomplish one goal:

Don’t be a crappy person.

Examples of crappy people? Think ISIS, Nazi’s, Westboro Baptist Church, child molesters: all the obvious ones. Then the less obvious, the one making fun of the gay kid, or chubby kid, really anyone that is making fun of another is pretty much a crappy person.

You may also quality as crappy if you witness someone being harmed and do nothing. We can’t stop all the bullies of the world: but we can make sure their victims do not have to stand alone.

I am slightly overly judgmental on this one; but, if the shoe fits……….litters, crappy people.

My sister used to say “You can tell all you need to know about a person that litters: they are self-absorbed and lazy.” I would change it to “they are self-absorbed, lazy, crappy people.”

So how, boy 3, are you not to turn into a crappy person?

I have a few simple suggestions.

Cause no harm. Even if it is a spider on the sidewalk: it is not right to kill something just because you are afraid of it. Now, if that spider is in your bathtub, different story. It invaded your space and we all have to have safe spaces.

Realize you are no more, or less, important than anyone else. Unless there is a tree branch impaled in your body or a bone protruding from your leg: your needs and wants are no more important than everyone else’s. Don’t get me wrong, your needs and wants should be taken into account, but no more than anyone else.

Be the one that says “no more” when a crappy person is spewing their hate on others. Even if you feel scared and your voice is shaking. Speak up.  Being afraid, and doing what’s right anyways, means you are brave. And the ultimate not crappy person! If you get suspended, punched in the face, or something equally as horrible for being a brave, not crappy, person: I will take you to Disney World. I promise

Sincere and funny. Love it! Try to not raise a crappy person.

Pick the kid that never gets picked. Pick her because you know she sucks at sports or can’t spell worth a lick. She needs it more than you need to win that spelling bee or soccer game. Trust me on this, she needs it!

Give of your time, talents, or treasures. Give till it hurts, then sit back and learn the joy of giving. Few things in life can make you feel that good!

Put down your phone and talk to your grandparents. You will miss them when they are gone.

Help the pregnant woman, with the 3 screaming kids, that everyone is avoiding like the plague, load her groceries. You might be the reminder she needs that this parenting crap is hard, but it will be worth it in the end. You also might help her be more kind and patient with her children because you cared enough to help.

Don’t tolerate gossip. Small minds discuss people, great minds discuss ideas. Brilliant ,not crappy minds, discuss Harry Potter. 🙂

Say please and thank you, with sincerity, especially to the person being paid to help you.  Working with the public is hard work with little pay. Plus, crappy people tend to make service workers lives hell. Eat your burger with the unwanted ketchup on it, it won’t kill you, I promise. Or don’t eat it, you won’t starve to death. That little 16-year-old up there with 5 people in line, one crappy person yelling at her, and 3 others impatiently waiting: really needs you to not complain about the ketchup.

Show up when you say you will.  You are only as good as your word.

Enjoy differences in people, recognizing, deep down, we are all the same.   When you are in the company of someone who you cannot tell their gender, or they are covered in tattoos, or they have a red dot on their forehead, or wearing a burka, or their hair is shaven, or it’s bright purple and down to their feet:

Please for the love of all things holy: nod, say hello, and move on. It is none of your business.

I wish more parents would teach their child how to not be a crappy person.

Don’t complain.  There are 2 acceptable reasons for complaints to people outside of your family. (Even to your family do so sparingly.) 1. The person you are talking with is paid to fix what is ailing you. 2. You have a solution for your complaint, and you are willing to invest your time and effort into fixing the problem. If your complaint doesn’t fall into these two categories: shut it up buttercup.

*of course the branch impaled in your body, broken bone, or similar, scenarios, null and voids this suggestion.

Be kind.  if you employed this one thing in your every action and conversations,  it would make you not a crappy person. You wouldn’t even need all the other suggestions.

Take responsibilities for your mistakes. If you screwed it up, say so, learn the lesson, move on. Please, please, please, boy number 3, don’t be the person who misses the football and blames the quarterback! Even if it WAS a bad throw.

Your Momma is begging you!

 Own it. “I missed the ball.” “I didn’t study for the test.”” I misjudged the situation.”  “I spoke about something I didn’t understand.” “I was lazy and didn’t show up.” “JUST OWN IT!”

Listen  Hear what people are saying. Stop, look them in the eye, see them and hear them. They are sharing their story with you because they trust you with it. Be deserving of that trust.

Last but not least.

Once you proof  you are dealing with a crappy person, give them one more chance. They may have had a hard day, or month, or life. Second time, walk away. Period. No explanation needed.

Because dear, sweet, boy: if you mess with crap,  you end up smelling like sh!t!

 

Thank you for reading my words, it humbles me. If you enjoyed shares and likes are appreciated, never expected.

Sending you love and prayers for peace,

T